The "B*tch" Syndrome - Being Confident as a Woman

Disclaimer- by NO means is anything I say here something that I am perfect or even good at. Everything here is something I personally struggle with, that for some time I’ve been trying to get better at with the help of Christ, love and these next few pointers.

As I sat and talked with some amazing women in my life two months back, I became so aware of how much negativity, mostly us women, carry about ourselves. Then I brought up the question of, “well if there is a woman who is confident about herself, or her body, her job, her family, don’t we, as a society, think she’s being “full of herself”…everyone agreed, and honestly this really made me sad. Why can’t someone just be confident in who they are while being humble? 

So I set out to have a goal, to love myself no matter what anyone else but God thought, because all in all, that’s my purpose.
For we have all heard the saying, “treat others how you want to be treated” but yet we treat ourselves as nobody’s.

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Surround yourself with people who build you.

Sometimes I think God takes and gives us people in our lives at perfect timing to build us, actually I know this. A few months ago, I felt I was slipping into a darkness I used to inhabit in my past, and realized how I had literally no support. Yeah, I had my husband and family but I noticed I was THE negative nancy in the group, and no body likes  rotten egg. 

I started surrounding myself with positive polly’s, with people who saw hope in me, even if I didn’t see hope in myself, and with the people who loved me dearly, even if their honesty meant opening my eyes to who I truly am. A community is made up of more than one person for a reason, they are our backbone and with no back bone there is no support. Darkness can not drive out darkness, only lighyt can do that, be the light or find that light in someone, it’s an attraction to that light that ignites our own lantern, and finally when we can finally see how beautiful we are truly made.

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You have 24 hours

That’s the only thing you have day to day that remains the same while you are on this earth-24 hours. You chose what you are going to eat, how you are going to respond, what you think, how you react to encounters, etc. As I sat in my office I was disappointed at myself for eating a half box of cinnamon toast crunch the night prior, angry I had to work mandatory OT and couldn’t spend the evening wedding dress shopping with my best friend, and I felt defeated by my 7 month old’s sleep schedule.

I then realized that I can't control everything and only can control what I do and how I react..
(Except, lets be honest, nobody can control themselves while eating out of a box of cereal).

SO how come I was ruining my day by focusing on all the things that already happened, or things I couldn't control?

Instead I focused on my attitude. I have FULL control of my attitude in every hand of cards I’m dealt, no one else can control my emotions. Sometimes, ya, things don’t plan out how I “want” them to, but regret, crankiness, fear, etc. those things aren’t going to get me anywhere either. So by golly just SMILE through those icky situation, nothing else drives me more bonkers than people who let their beautiful facial expressions go to waste.

But moral of the story, if you can’t control one circumstance, YOU can control your positivity of the outcome, train your brain, it’s a muscle too.

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STOP LOOKING IN THE MIRROR!

I hopped out of the shower, threw my bra and underwear on and for a solid 5 minutes I stood in the mirror in about 10 different positions sucking in this way, trying to change the lighting that way, and making my tummy “talk”---ladies, I can’t be the ONLY one who does this. 

Aren’t we more than how we look? Shoot, Drake started dating me when I had crimped my hair, had braces and wore basketball shorts past my knees, so I certainly must be a little more important than how I look! (ha ha) Do you know how disappointed I would be if I saw my daughter doing this, for I love her and everything she is beyond a measurement of how she looks? I can’t even imagine how sad God must feel when we don’t love ourselves, for we ARE fearfully and WONDERFULLY made. 

STOP STOP STOP

hen will we ever say, “I’m proud of how I look? Or say, “Hey sista, you’re looking mighty nice today” or go beyond that and just be proud of who we are as mothers, wives, co-workers, friends!! Empower yourselves, just as you’d empower your mother, sister, daughter, best friend, etc!

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Don’t count your hardships, count your blessing.

This may be the hardest one for me, I am constantly catching myself complaining and feeling sorry for my circumstances. Not going to lie, somedays I truly like to sit in my pity party. Somedays are a test of how much I can take as a full time worker, mother, wife, crossfitter, etc., but they are also all my biggest blessings. There are so many times when someone asks how I am, and I unload crappy things that happen that day/week-no sleep, lots of work, super busy, blah blah blah- to them.

In reality, how BIG are those crappy things in the entire picture? Minuscule!! And they are temporary. I thought to myself after I got done complaining one day, would I give up one of my amazing things in my life for this itty bitty bump?  

NOPE. We are all busy, we are all getting torn in 12 different directions, kids, work, gym, but just think, some people aren’t able to do those things, and yet you are holding the key to that opportunity, enjoy it. 

We all have certain characteristics for a reason- they make us, US. I constantly used to say how I wished I had my husbands metabolism, and I still do, but that’s not “who I am”, I shouldn’t be “jealous” of other people’s gifts when my own are worth more than gold!

Sometimes the hardest thing for us to do is to take off the blinders and see ourselves through everyone else’s eyes, there are so many people out there who have hope and faith in you, it’s time you believe it for yourselves.